Why I hate “Home Alone”

Okay, so I don’t despise the “Home Alone” movies. It’s not a vendetta or a grudge. I just think they are overrated and stupid. I mean, it’s a movie about a child being abused and neglected by his family, and then being violent toward two men. And then repeat that for the rest of the movies. The only real ‘appeal’ about it is the slapstick humor, which was never that funny anyways.
I’ll be honest, this article isn’t totally about “Home Alone,” although it does feature heavily. Sorry, the title may have been misleading. This article is just about Christmas movies in general.
Now that I’ve said my piece about a bad movie, I’ll talk about good ones. “Elf” was revolutionarily good. Funny, Christmas-y (probably not a word), and heartwarming all wrapped in a big bow. “The Polar Express” was slightly creepy, but still good and reminds me of my childhood.
My personal favorite Christmas movie is a cheesy rom-com. My sister and I watch it on repeat every Christmas season: “12 Dates Of Christmas.” It’s like “Groundhog Day” but with snow and cherry chip loaves. It’s honestly horribly cheesy. There are bad lines and cliche plot lines galore, but it’s also the best movie ever. Friendships are made, love is found, and the past is put where it should be: behind them. It’s not the most realistic movie, but that’s what makes it good. At this point, my sister and I can quote the whole thing.
There are a few steps to being a good Christmas movie. Step one: Be a Christmas movie. That means having a plot line connected to Christmas and featuring it for more than 2 minutes. Sorry, “Die Hard.” Step two: Have a message about family or friends. Now, not every Christmas movie has this, but the good ones do. Step three: Make the viewer feel warm and gooey inside. Step four: Make the Christmas cheer more prominent. “Home Alone” is not heartwarming nor does it make me feel Christmas cheer. It’s frankly scary seeing a kid dealing with all of that on his own. Just having slapstick humor does not make a Christmas movie, or any movie, good.
Now, everyone has their own opinion. Whether it’s right or wrong, it does exist. Some people enjoy “Home Alone” because they watched it when they were a kid. Some just don’t enjoy the more Christmas-y movies. Despite my vehement disagreement, I do see their point. But, looking at it logically, “Home Alone” is not that good. And now we have come to my rage for it. I hate it simply because others love it. I live and breathe to spite those who love objectively bad things, unless those things are so bad they are good.
Unfortunately, people seem to like the movie. Mrs. Consdorf, a science teacher here at North, does mini-tournaments of things. She has her classes vote between two things, and then the winner advances to the next round. Against “Elf” in the tournament for best Christmas movie, “Home Alone” won by a lot. “Home Alone” seems to have bewitched people into liking it. I mean, look at how many spin-offs were made. Without mind control, there’s no way they could make that many without losing viewership. Nobody watches that many spin-offs of their own volition.
All in all, I’m right and you are wrong. Merry Christmas ;).